I'll be the first to admit,

I like instant mashed potatoes better than mashed potatoes.

I am sorry about this.

Dear everybody,

I am sorry that I never go out with you anymore. I am really really poor and also I am seriously always working on these movies, plus I have a girlfriend and forget what bars are for in the first place. Maybe we can hang out after the two big shows on September 27th and October 31st. By then I bet I have a little dough too so like we can go to a bar or a show or something. Also I will get you back for those beers you bought or for that time when you paid for a pizza that I ate some of. It'll be fun. I hope you will still be my friends, everybody. I miss you.

Love,
Matty Lite

Dear blog,

I am sorry for being away for so long. I have been busy with other things. But don't think I haven't thought of you. I have some ideas. Wanna hear them? Want me to make an unordered list? You got it, B!

• a hilarious new youtube video based on the law and order theme
  
• the story of how my friend got mugged and then became a softball hero
  
• plugs for shows I am in
  
• new stand-up style jokes I made up, like this one: "Seriously, though, it's great to wake up next to a beautiful girl . . . [comedic pause] . . . who's still alive."
  
• a song-by-song comparison/review of Alex Chilton's and Chris Bell's first (and, in the latter's case, only) post-Big Star solo records.
  
• stupid ideas for commercials that would be funny once, but then irritating as HELL
  
• versions of famous songs where certain parts repeat too many times, or where certain sequential processes are carried on for too long, to comedic effect
  
• brand new nicknames for my balls
  
• anti-bird propaganda
  
• a memoire of the challenges inherent in trying to love, or at least not hate, a dog I hate
  
• not smoking for a year
  
• my continued love affair with the unordered list tag

I got a cool idea for a commercial for a dryer or maybe for a hairdryer

Actually that is a lie, it is a Terrible idea. It is to use that James Brown song but change it to "dry me" instead of "try me."



I'm sorry.

Dear Society,

I am sorry I swam in your pool without asking. I am now indebted to you, to the tune of fifty-five U.S. dollars and eight man-hours of community-geared labor. Please believe it is with utmost sincerity when I say I will pay you back. I will repay the man-hours tomorrow from eight a.m. until 5 p.m., and the dollars on October the second at four p.m. in courtroom four of your house.

We should hang out some time.

Matt

P.S. I hope things aren't gonna be "weird" between us now.

an apology

I don't know why I keep writing about food. I'm sorry I am doing that lately. Writing about food, I mean. I'm sorry.