Thee Fyne and Sordid Taile of Gabblecocke the Crabgath'rer

Well, I guess all we know for sure about the guy is he lived long ago, he was a brilliant board arguer and the first Dean of Arguments, he was known for his zero tolerance approach to scab-grappling and filimandering, he probably had a flowing, white beard, he practically invented modern techniques of both ghost-tittification and wang-wrangling as we know them, and you gotta imagine he carried some manner of staff or scepter.