Sweep out the old, sweep in the new

• I changed my picture there and my background color. Do you like it?
  
  
• Have you heard of "the modulator"?
  
  
• Did you know there are over 150,000 parts in a piano? We invented that shit. Humans like me and you invented that shit.
  
  
• It's the today, ghost titty.
  
  
• Also, this:
  
  
  
• Well that's all folks.
  [insert youtube video for Fleetwood Mac "That's all for everyone" here, the only one I found was a soundtrack to someone feeding a baby]

A new tongue-twister / This is serious.

I accidentally thought of a tongue twister. It is "ghost titty." You gotta say it ten times fast, but you can't just make one "T" sound for the end of "ghost" and the start of "titty"-- you gotta do the full stop there to get both "T"s in. Go ahead, try it.

* * * * *

I'm gonna not be funny for a week. Starting today. I'm not gonna make any jokes. I'm not gonna share any creative mishearings. I'm not gonna tell any hilarious stories. I'm not gonna say things with any weird timing to make people laugh. I'm not gonna make any funny faces or deadpans even. Please don't laugh at me. Not this week. I'm gonna walk real carefully to make sure I don't trip, since that is also funny. I'm gonna keep really alert so I don't seem stupid in a funny way. I'm gonna eat food that isn't funny (caesar salad), watch TV shows that aren't funny (Everybody loves Ray), go to movies that aren't funny (that one where that mopey actor is a child-molestin' priest), and hang out with people that aren't funny (shit I may need some new friends). See, nobody takes funny shit seriously. Bein' funny never got nobody nowhere. I am on strike. I am on strike until people take funny shit seriously. This is a call to action. People who are just always trying to be funny, are you with me? Let's not try to be funny. Not this week.

God damnit, though, I'm pretty sure it's gonna turn out just fucking hilarious. Fuck.

R.I.P.

You can't pretend quitting smoking isn't tragic. Smoking was your buddy and your companion for a long time. It's not like it isn't sad to see it go. You gotta mourn it. You gotta admit to yourself that smoking was awesome, and that you will miss smoking. You gotta comisserate and say smoking will always kind of be a part of you. It will always be there up in heaven, looking down on you and kind of watching your back, like your grandma, or like Jesus, or like Yoda, Anakin, and Obi-Wan. It is the great consolation but also the great tragedy that life goes on without smoking. All things must pass.

New Leaves: I am turning some over

It is sort of cheating, because I am sick, but still, I haven't smoked in 5 days. So I stole that counter up there on your right from my bro's blog and customized it a bit and now it is there to keep me honest.

Also my terrible disintegrating foot is almost back to normal. Besides putting various creams and salves and poultices on it, I have been actually cleaning my bathroom a lot. I guess that again is cheating, because it was also motivated by disease. But still, I am liking it, and getting positive reviews from female friends, so I think I will keep it up.

But not everything is disease-motivated. I have been keeping my kitchen clean too. I mopped it twice in the same month. For real. Believe it. It's because I want to turn over a new cooking leaf, and cooking just seems so much easier if you have a kind of clean kitchen to cook in. This horrible fucking cold makes me never want to eat anything ever, but as soon as it's gone I am gonna hit that kitchen hard and make just the nastiest shit you ever heard of and write about it in here. Just nasty shit, like Peanut Butter and Jelly Omelets (I didn't make that one up, my dad did) and Pickle-n-Bacon Sandwiches with Miracle Whip (this is only theoretical, I hope to have a beta version early next week).

I took a cue from one of my main doggs and started riding my bike around, too, taking it to the train and taking combinations of bike/bus/train to get places free (I get a free bus pass from my school) and get exercise too. I think when I get my six hundo check I'm gonna go buy a bike that isn't a pile of shit. Maybe something like this one, but probably something more like this one. Gotta do some test rides. Apparently I am already reaping the health benefits, because even though I've been getting concerned about my growing beer gut, some little kid in a school bus yelled at me on my bike yesterday "Hey skinny boy, you sure go awful slow!" What do you say to that? That's like half a compliment, half an objective statement of truth. It put a smile on my face that lasted a couple blocks, but then some mean nasty ugly bitch in a huge SUV laid on her horn at me because she was pissed she had to wait til some mean nasty ugly dickhead in another giant SUV passed in the oncoming lane before she could go around my lil' bike. I gave her the meanest glare I could muster, and damned myself for not having the ability to ride handless, since I wanted to give her the double finger instead of the single. Whatchu gonna do.