Records and CDs

I am in the middle (well, closer to the end, thank God) of moving across town right now. Today was my big day of going through all my records and CDs and deciding what to do with them all. I was struck by something I never really thought through. CDs suck. They are a horrible product. The shitty plastic cases break. I'd say 70% of my CD cases were broke. No matter, I just put them all in one of those binder things anyhow. Which now seems just about out of date, cuz I could as easily rip them all onto a hard drive. What would make me want to keep them would be the art, but since all the shitty ass plastic cases are broken and infuriate me every time I open them and they fall apart, I just stuck them all in a box that will go to the basement and probably never again see the light of day.

I paid probably an average of $7 each for all those CDs-- lots of new, lots of used, lots accidentally stolen but balanced out by those accidentally stolen from me.

Then my records. My records had to be winnowed. I have limited shelf space and tons of good rock, classical, and a few jazz records. I mean for real good, not just tons of Sergio Mendez or 101 Strings or stuff. These records look beautiful. The sleeves, even when worn, are often things you could hang up or frame. The most broken ones just need a little tape to keep the discs from falling out when you pick them up. The older ones have a circular halo around the record, like the back jeans pocket of a seasoned tobacco chewer or the wallet of a wishfully thinking horny young teenage boy.

I paid probably an average of $3 each for all these records-- lots of used, a few new, a few in bulk, a few individually ordered or sought after.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I hate to be one of those people who thinks newer stuff is shitty and older stuff is awesome. But in this case it is true. CDs are just a piece-of-shit product that got sold for way too much money and used shitty plastics that are probably filling landfills right now. When the shitty plastic cases break, the shitty plastic discs with the thin metal coat are bared to the elements, like cold, or heat, or friction, or, I don't know, air, and now lots of them won't play unless you play them on a super quick drive. Where's the super quick drive but in a computer, where you could just rip them and not have to get infuriated with the broken case in the first place.

Whereas records, you can hold them and feel the weight, you can look at the art at a reasonable size. Having to flip them engages you in the music, if you are paying close attention, or encourages multiple listens if, say, there are lots of people hanging out and someone just keeps flipping the record when it runs out. They are hard to break, hard to lose, and easy to love. I'm sure the markup on records was astronomical too, but at least the product was worth a shit. Plus isn't it true that they sent out that stuff to space for aliens to hear and they decided they better use a record since a CD might be hard to figure out? Um, plus, don't those crazy audiophiles say there is like a 7 micro-hertz band that CDs cut out but you can hear on a record, if you have a titanium needle and vacuum-sealed superconductor speaker cables?

So I guess I'm saying that, in my opinion, records are a superior product to CDs. That's all. And just to be clear that this isn't one of those knee-jerk older-is-better sort of things, let me say that I prefer DVD to VHS, and maybe even laser discs to DVD. Then again, film and projectors aren't quite as affordable and available as records and record players...

Why am I awake already

• The Chee-Bone: this is when one gets literally or physically erect as a result of cheese or the idea of cheese.
  
• IWHSS: the Infinite Wiper in a High Stress Situation is a common occurence when moving one's bowels directly before important events. As the old adage goes, life is but a series of infinite wipers in high stress situations (IWHSS).
  

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• I was laying by a cat that will start purring if you barely touch her, and I farted pretty loud, the bed vibrated, and she started purring. This really happened.
  
• I just found out that Jessica Biel and Jennifer Beals aren't the same person. This breaks my biggest Similarly-Named-Celebrity-Conflation (SNCC) since I successfully differentiated Mickey and Andy Rooney in late 2006.
  

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• What if Harold Ramis decided to make a movie about two men from the year 1 A.D.? One of the men would be really awkward, and one would be portly, hyper, and prone to flights of fancy, both cast by the leading actors of those varieties. What if a fried chicken chain restaurant decided to make a sandwich where the bread was fried chicken breast and the inside was bacon and cheese? Answer: of course it's gonna be pretty funny, of course it's gonna be pretty delicious, these are not ground-breaking ideas here, more like reverse alchemy, start with gold and end up with I guess gold of a lesser carat but still quite desirable.
  
• On the other hand you got your surprise combos. Chicken and waffles. Popcorn and Good-n-Plenties. John C. Riley movin' to comedies, Bill Murray to dramas.
  

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• Now that I am a little older and a little wiser, I think my favorite line in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is at the end of their history report, when Ted says "Thanks to great leaders such as Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, and Socratic method, the world is full of history."