The local farmers' market: fuck it

I finally got my ass out of bed early enough to go to the little farmer's market in my neighborhood, all excited to buy some basics and maybe some bacon or something. But no. All the food is twice as expensive as the grocery store. That is not why I go to a farmers' market. That is the opposite of why I go to a farmers' market. I guess some people do though, because it was packed with people and dogs, despite the heat. Guess I'm stuck riding to the big one, where I can get three onions for a buck and some asparagus for 75 cents, instead of almost tripping over six dogs so I can not pay four dollars for a tiny purple potato.

How to make me hate your bar 101

• Be located in a pain in the ass sort of place
  
• Don't give bands free drinks, or even drink discounts, or even one free drink out of shame at your stingy ass
  
• Get your sound guy to tell me how to use a microphone
  
• Kick me out of an empty bar stool because apparently like an hour ago someone ordered food there and now wants to eat there
  
• Have the sound completely and totally suck
  
• Oh also could you make it all hot and muggy and fill the place with annoying cocks in white caps?
  
• Congratulations, now I hate your bar!
  
• Maybe if you suck my balls I will ever go there again!