Tuesday, August 02, 2011

It's a well-known fact that great ideas often occur on the shitter. Measuring mass by water displacement, Ohm's law, the flux capacitor... the list goes on and on. Today, I had a great idea on the shitter, after having one of those times where there is a hell of a lot of effort for a very small output. "Much Ado About Nothing" popped into my head, and I quickly realized that Shakespeare has provided us with a wealth of terminology for different types of shit experiences:

  • As You Like It (your favorite kind)
  • The Two Gentlemen of Verona or The Two Noble Kinsmen (two homogenous portions)
  • Venus and Adonis, or Troilus and Cressida, or Antony and Cleopatra (two contrasting portions)
  • The Phoenix and the Turtle (two wildly contrasting portions, one of which floats and one which took forever)
  • The Tempest (rough seas)
  • The Taming of the Shrew (an epic battle)
  • All's Well That Ends Well (eventual victory)
  • Henry VI part 1
  • Henry VI part 2
  • Henry VI part 3 (a three-stage hungover morning's worth)
  • A Comedy of Errors (I've never experienced this one, but I've seen it in some gas stations; as is often the case with comedies, there is an underlying tragic nature to these ones)

Well, sorry to break a seven-month blog silence like this. I guess since so much of the writing I do is on the level of figurative bull's shit, I just wanted to tackle some literal human's shit.

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