Monday, September 14, 2009

Regular generic cheerios mixed with honey nut generic cheerios

I have discovered the greatest cereal. Let me share with you this new recipe.

  • Get some generic cheerios.
  • Get some generic honey nut cheerios.
  • Pour some of each into a bowl-- oh, half and half, I'd say.
  • Put milk in that bowl. What kind? Get creative-- there's 2%, 1%, whole, soy, rice, goat, mother's, reconstituted powdered, anything!
  • A spoon is recommended
  • I am thinking of commandeering some sort of tupperware container to store this new cereal pre-mixed, since I am, as they say, "on the go."
  • Careful research has shown generic cheerios take on more milk and exhibit a greater degree of softening/bloating behavior than do their name-brand counterparts, increasing both their refreshingness and deliciousness indices by up to 20%.
  • However, it is literally impossible to open the inner plastic bags of generic cereal in a way that allows a controlled pour into the bowl; I for one am convinced this convenience is what you pay for when you shell out the big bucks for that ebullient bee on the label, and depending upon your baseline patience level, may just be worth it.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

New words for these new times

You guys. It's 2009. We don't have time to say all the syllables we used to say. We're on the go. We're fast-paced. We're active. That's why I will never again ask you if you want to go eat at a restaurant. Instead, I will say "yo you wanna hit a 'straunt?"
You might reply, "ya let's go to [your favorite 'straunt], they got great apps and some bomb-ass 'trées."
Then I might say "ya, man, those 'tizers are to die fer, plus it's like the only place in town where I always order some 'sert."
You will reply "LOVE their 'sert, let's hop in my 'yota and get there."
"Chicks," I will think to myself, "do dig the 'yota, helps you score like Nino Rota," but I will not say this aloud as I get up and start towards the door, suddenly doubling back and explaining, "hold on, man, lemme grab my red bandana, I'm fully 'steenin it tonight."
You will nod thoughtfully and summarize "tonight, every street is gonna be E street."