You may have heard of the BLT. You may even have heard of the BLAST (BLT but also with avocado and sprouts). But have you heard of:
- The ABC (avocado, bacon, & cilantro)
- The ABCDEFG (avocado, bacon, cilantro, dill pickle slice, eggs (hardboiled & sliced thin), feta, and gouda)
- The ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP (all the above plus horseradish, italian dressing (just a dash), jalapeño (fresh; sliced), KC masterpiece bbq sauce, lettuce, mustard, nutmeg (not too much now), olives (black; sliced), & pastrami.
- The ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (...quince (I have never seen it in real life), radishes, salami, tomatos, ugli fruit, velveeta, wasabi, xanthan gum, yams (baked & sliced wafer-thin), and zest of one lemon)
In a fit of bravado last night I denied belief in the alphabet. I was trying to make a joke. It wasn't funny. But then it sparked a discussion about how the alphabet is one of the longest arbitrary atemporal ordered series we got. Like tell me, dear reader, why in the fuck is F after E? Seems to me you gotta write an F on the way to writing an E anyhow. Also why don't they just go ahead and put U after Q, I mean, that's just where it's gonna end up anyhow. It's a scam. Who is benefitting from the widespread acceptance of this arbitrary system? What are they hiding?
Billy had to go to the bathroom really bad. He raised his hand and asked his teacher if he could go. She said ok, but first you must recite the alphabet. Billy rattled it off ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ. Teacher says but where's the P? Billy says it is running down my leg, now, because you made me fucking recite this bullshit-ass arbitrary atemporal series, and it took so long that now I pissed in my pants.
Everybody laughed at him.
- The XTC: it is a Cross between Tacos and Cookies
- The TNT: a No-doz between two Tortillas
- The TLC: too soon, man, too soon
- ABC, BBD, & the East Coast Family: a soup and sandwich lunch with an ABC (see above) and a soup made out of Bud, Bud Dry, and an entire school of young Maine cod.
- The ESPN: Escarole, Spinach, Portabellas, and Nixon (just a sliver)
- The Plan B: Pickles, Lettuce, & Avocados on Naan Bread
- The SPCA: baby Seal filets, Porcupine steak, Cat meat, and an Awfully cute freshly drowned puppy that you could only get by beating up its mother, on her birthday.
- The SUBWAYFOOTLONGSPICYITALIANONWHITETOASTE- DWITHPROVOLONEANDTHEWORKSTODRESS: this one has a misleading name; it's just baloney on rye, maybe dipped in some mustard if you got it.
Gotta go. Hungry.
No comments:
Post a Comment