Raj Nachos

-Get some tortilla chips and put them on a cookie sheet.
-Pre-bake them if you want (it is a trick I learned from the Achewood cookbook)
-While the chips are pre-baking, tear open a pouch of Indian food like you can buy at the international food store for like $1.39 (my choice: Paneer Tikka Masala) and heat it up in a little pan.

Figure 12: My Choice

-If you are like me, you chose Paneer Tikka Masala. This is actually one of those dishes that I understand isn't even that Indian at all, but more a UK imperial choice. Like how General Tso's Chicken was invented in, like, Scranton PA. Don't feel bad for being inauthentic. It is a scientifically proven fact that oftentimes the tastes of other cultures are ridiculous and wrong, and need adjustment to be reasonable to us. Besides, you need that cheese to be the "cheese" of the "nachos." Cut the big rectangular chunks into smaller ones so they are more evenly dispersed.
-Drizzle it over the chips.
-Shit, there isn't quite enough to go around, and plus it looks kind of more solid than it ought to in order to get those chips kinda soggy like I like them.
-Oh, I know, deglaze the pan! With rice vinegar, Sriracha sauce, and barbecue sauce. Damn, that is a tasty pan sauce you just made! Now pour that over the chips too.
-Bake'em. I don't know, you probably know better than me, I guess at like four hundo for maybe ten minutes?
-Eat'em. At first they seem ok. Then they start to seem really good. Then they start to make you feel a little bit ill. Try to focus on just that part where they seem really good. Is it worth it? I don't know. Maybe. It's so hard to tell these days. We live in a world that is full of uncertainty. Seriously. There is some crazy shit that happens, like, all the time. I bet some kind of totally crazy shit is happening RIGHT NOW. I mean, shit, some dude just broke his leg outside my house when he was tightening some lug nuts and one snapped, causing his full weight to push the tire iron into his ankle, and -snap-. That shit HAPPENED. That shit is CRAZY. Are regular nachos just too regular for these CRAZY times we live in? I'm not gonna say they are for sure, but I am gonna say if you eat regular nachos you are probably BORING and WRONG, and possibly BAD AT GAMES OF CHANCE. Not to mention PREMATURELY BALDING, LACKING IN DISCIPLINE, and possibly HAVING ONE LEG SLIGHTLY LONGER THAN THE OTHER. This is to say nothing of your HAVING A PROPENSITY TO PASS GAS IN THE SELF CHECKOUT LANE and HOLDING STRANGE IDEAS ABOUT BIRDS. Do you want to be that person? Do you?