...else your sandwich ain't a sandwich

I love Miracle Whip. When I was a kid I thought Miracle Whip was a brand of mayonnaise. It wasn't until I was in middle school I learned they were different. The only places I'd have mayonnaise was places like school, or friends' houses. I just thought my schools and my friends' parents had shitty mayonnaise that tasted weird. Then when I was in middle school is when Subway started up. I would go there and get a Cold Cut Combo (I have since changed my Subway jam to the Spicy Italian, largely based on my intense love for salami) and I would always think their mayonnaise must suck too, but nobody agreed with me, and finally I realized that mayonnaise isn't supposed to taste like Miracle Whip. I don't even get why they are compared, they are totally different in everything but color and texture and application and... oh wait, I guess I do get why they are compared. Mayonnaise is far more famous, at least on the internet, but to me Miracle Whip is so much better. In my older age I like mayonnaise too now. But still, gimme Miracle Whip any day. I wish they had Miracle Whip at Subway. Why don't they have Miracle Whip at Subway? God damnit, why not?

I heard there are fancy kinds of salami. I think I might go to the Italian market and get some, and some bread, and make some salami sandwiches with Miracle Whip. Oh god that is what I am gonna do. I will ride my bike. Bye!